paging chicken little

galileo The polar vortex is coming! The polar vortex is coming!

In July?

Yes, according to some meteorologists, anyway.

Are they kidding? Or crazy? Or just the usual alarmists? You know, I’m going with alarmists. I swear to God those people couldn’t tell a tornado from a funnel cake. Nevertheless, temperatures are expected to drop like a stone in the Midwest and Eastern U.S. next week. Overnight temperatures might — let me repeat that for you, might — drop into the 30s, but more likely the 40s or 50s.

That’s a far cry from polar, wouldn’t you say? As someone who endured the Winter of 2013-14, I’ll tell you this: 30º is positively tropical. Even in July. Oh, pool boy, be a dear and bring me a Mai Tai. No one who’s felt a stiff sub-zero wind pelting their chapped and frosted face would call 30º ‘polar’ — no one except a weather forecaster. They’ll do anything for attention, the glory hounds.

Have you ever noticed that while they’re predicting these calamitous conditions and certain doom, not a hair’s out of place. There isn’t a crease or a wrinkle in their perfectly pressed clothing. You’d think there’d be some sign of panic or agitation, at the very least some evidence of a tizzy, but no. They might’ve just come from the spa or the dry cleaner.

So just ignore them. The end is not near. Keep calm and carry on.

Thank you.

copyright © 2014 little ittys

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