Let’s see a show of hands. How many of you wanted to be a famous model or a professional athlete or a movie star? Whoa, almost everyone. Okay, and how many of you actually became famous models or professional athletes or movie stars? Ah, zero.
See? That’s not right. We should be the ones deciding what we do for a living, don’t you think? Not fate or talent or dumb luck. Us. Sure, there’d be manpower shortages in the less glitzy professions — the number of funeral directors would undoubtedly shrink and bathroom attendant might disappear altogether as a career choice — but I could live with that, I think. It’s a mighty small price to pay for controlling our own destinies.
Personally, I’d choose to be an artist. Not a da Vinci- or a Picasso-type, but a graphic designer type. More specifically, I’d want to be an artist in the vein of Constantin Bolimond or Dmitry Patsukevich, the guys who created those awesome Simpsons wine bottles you see above. I want that kind of brain in my head and that kind of talent in my hands — those dudes are beyond brilliant. They’re geniuses.
Look, they took the color scheme of Homer and Marge Simpson and paired it with a Mondrian-inspired design to create the best packaging ever. You don’t even have to be a fan to see the artistry, to make the connection. Homer’s his traditional yellow, with the ever-present gray five o’clock shadow, white shirt, blue pants, and black shoes. Marge, too, is Simpsons yellow, with her signature blue hair, red necklace, green dress, and red shoes.
The wine itself, aged since 1987 (the year The Simpsons debuted on The Tracey Ullman Show), may not be wine at all according to the label, but does it matter? The bottles aren’t even for sale; they’re just a concept. Yeah, just.
Talent of that sort isn’t for sale, either. Certainly not by the bottle. Wouldn’t it be great if it was? Man, I’d pay cash money for a case of that.
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