keeping myself in stitches

Aw, crap, does anyone know how to make a tourniquet? Should I call an ambulance? Get out the sewing kit? What should I do?

tourniquet

Well, I should start having my legs waxed, that’s what. I need to quit shaving them, it just leads to bloodshed. I’ve lost gallons over a lifetime of hair removal. I try to be careful, but it’s a tiresome process and I hurry. I’ve nicked and gouged my way to more scar tissue than a surgical patient. Long, thin ribbons of skin regularly embed themselves in my razor when I use it.

I have to stop the carnage, but I can’t. I don’t like the feel of stubble. I prefer the feel of smooth, silky skin. You’d think I’d pay closer attention then. The scabbing and crusting get in the way of smooth and silky, like speed bumps. If I was wealthy or even gainfully employed, I’d invest in electrolysis or something. Waxing sounds too barbaric.

The bright side? Band-Aids. They’re fun to wear and I get tons of compliments on them. See, I try to match the different colors and styles with what I’m wearing. I keep a wide assortment on hand at all times. It’s how I make a personal and totally original fashion statement.

Right before I pass out from blood loss.

band-aids2bandaids

 

 

 

 

copyright © 2015 little ittys

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “keeping myself in stitches

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s