Aren’t these supposed to be the sweltering, muggy dog days of summer? Shouldn’t we be sprawled on porches, stuck to our chairs, sweating like beer bottles? You bet, but the last time I checked it was 66º, which is a far cry from sweltering. I’d call it bracing, bordering on brisk.
Seriously, are you wilting from the heat? I’m not, my feet are blue and they’re tucked in socks. This isn’t normal. Something’s gone horribly, terribly wrong. But what? Icebergs are melting in the Arctic, ocean temperatures are rising, global warming is in full swing. Everywhere except here. Where I am. Naturally.
Now is not the time for temperatures to sputter and lose altitude. We need a running start, we need an extended period of hot sunny days and triple digit temperatures. Get everything good and hot — blistering, scorching hot — to mitigate the polar vortexes and Alberta clippers that we know lie ahead. They’re biding their damn time as we speak.
If I knew how, I’d go into a coma until April.
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