today’s fervent plea

handsPlease oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please don’t let me be in an accident.

Not today. I’m wearing the rattiest, most threadbare, sorriest looking underwear ever in the history of undergarments. I’m down to my last clean pair before laundry day. Essentially, it’s an elastic waistband attached to fabric remnants — and every bit as sturdy and resilient as a spiderweb.

So I’m asking for your help. Please, don’t run over me. Don’t feed me bad clams or tainted mayonnaise. Don’t invite me bungee jumping or stab me with a fork. And don’t leap out and scare me straight into a heart attack. Wait until tomorrow. Afternoon would be best for me.

Thank you for your cooperation.

ambulancecopyright © 2016 little ittys

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