A company called SplashData, maker of password management applications, releases an annual list of the 25 most ill-advised passwords in actual use. After careful review there’s only one possible conclusion: the world is effing nuts. We’re armed to the teeth with weaponry and surveillance and rampant paranoia, but can’t bother coming up with a suitable password.
Way back during Prohibition and World War II, folks took their codes and encryption seriously. They knew the vital importance of obfuscation and subterfuge, so they put a ton of effort into developing cryptic, impenetrable messages. It was impossible to run a decent juice joint or win a war without poetic, lyrical codes like ‘the dog barks at midnight.’
These days? Meh, whatever. With deepest apologies, the latest feeble attempts at encryption:
123456? qwerty? login? We should hang our heads in shame. Welcome, #11 on the list, isn’t even a password. It’s an invitation to the creepy trolls lurking in the dark corners of the Internet. Oh, gosh, I apologize; I’m being too cynical here. Maybe Santa’s planning to drop in with a pile of treasury bonds or electronics and, in that case, ‘welcome’ is a perfect password.
≈ ezpickins — short and memorable.
≈ sittingduck — advertise your status as a willing victim.
≈ hellotrouble — shows acceptance of the inevitable.
≈ patsy — or stooge. Boob is good, too.
≈ all4u — be a cheerful giver.
To eliminate the hoo-ha altogether, I recommend you convert your assets to cash and forward it to me: little itty. I’ll take the stuff off your hands quick as a wink, thus relieving you of the burden forevermore. Financial resources are a worrisome nuisance, I’m sure, but I’m prepared to make the sacrifice.