learning to float

help   How many clichés are there about life and its struggles. Well, hmm, let’s think a minute, there’s:

life’s a bitch, then you die
keep a stiff upper lip
if wishes were horses, beggars would ride
life isn’t fair
that whole lemons and lemonade business

And those are just off the top of my head. There are hundreds, thousands, of inane platitudes just waiting to be dromousepped into conversation (like a dead mouse) and I loathe them all. They’re worse than useless, they’re insulting and utterly dismissive.

Life is a freaking tsunami half the time, you know? It doesn’t lend itself to pat answers and sappy sayings. The trick is simply to keep your nose above the waterline until a lilypad floats along. Then grab that mother and ride it as far as you can, until the next tsunami knocks you, ass over teakettle, back in the drink.

I live for lilypad moments, myself; they’re sustaining and uplifting. Unfortunately, I’m between those little lifesavers, but expect one presently. Because I’m moving and hooray for that! When I informed the property manager of my plans she grimly cautioned, ‘the grass isn’t always greener.’ Okay, was that a joke? It sounded like a joke. Seriously, was she kidding? Who mentioned grass?

Noise is the issue here. Did you know the military and law enforcement use noise as a psychological weapon? They do, and when properly applied it sends hardened criminals and evil despots right out of their minds. I’m neither of those, but I’ve been driven around the bend just the same.

Yesterday, I heard a commercial for a mattress sale boasting the ‘best sleep you can get from a mattress.’ To which I replied — out loud to an empty room — ‘only if I stuff them in my ears.’


Then I erupted in laughter and continued laughing, in short bursts, for long minutes. Even now, today, I snicker at the idea. So, isn’t that swell? The only functioning neurons I had left are on the fritz. And just when I’m about to break out of the asylum. Oy.


copyright © 2016 little ittys

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