People always ask how I became such a star — I’m a fantastic star! — they want to know my secrit. Folks, it’s the superlatives. Their fantastic. I use them all the time. There the best words, so much better than other so-called words used for ritings. Believe me, no one loves writing more than me. Big fan, tremendous fan of riting and tweeting, tweeting and riting.
I’m a trailblazer, folks, that’s what I do. My way is the best way. Grammer and spelling are a dumb waist of time. All the best experts, amazing smarty-pantses, say I have the grammer skill of a fifth grader! And they know because there really brainy guys. Fifth grade! It’s the grade everyone wants and I’ve got it.
Billions of readers come to my posts in unpresidented numbers. It’s just a huge swarming crowd every day, they love me. They wership me. But the stats lie, so rigged, found out my wires tapped! I have more readers than any one ever before in history. They all really need to get over it. Pathetic. So sad.
I won because I’m a winner. I’ve made writing great again. You deserve great writing like me. The carnage is going to stop write here and write now. Oh, look around, there’s carnage and it’s going to stop. I’ll be the one stopping it. Me. Not those losers who lost. Bad (or sick) guys!
Therefore, I hear by appoint myself very supreme writer. Why, thank you, I’m honered.
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