I’m not cut out to be an invalid

Well, I’d better get used to it, because that’s what I am. I was downgraded to doddering geezer status the instant I blew out my knee. In the process, I also became a virtual prisoner in my own home.

Mornings are the most terrible. The twenty feet between my bed and the bathroom presents a challenge as daunting as Everest. It takes long, drawn-out minutes and thousands of  faltering, timid footsteps to cross that vast, grueling expanse safely. I lurch and clutch and yip every stinking millimeter of the way. Admiral Peary I’m not.

But, come to think of it, a grappling hook and a winch might work. I could pull myself to the bathroom in half the time it takes to hobble. The biggest danger I’d face is rug burn, but that’s nothing. Rug burn isn’t incapacitating or fatal like falling into the toilet, knocking myself unconscious, and drowning would be. Seems like the kind of thing I’d do, though.

The moments I live for are 9 in the morning and 9 at night, when I knock back the Aleve. Out of sheer desperation, I’ve also borrowed a cane, a deeply mortifying turn of events. Although I use it freely behind closed doors, I’m embarrassed to be seen publicly gimping along with assistance. If I’m asked what happened, I plan to say it was a biking accident. Or skydiving. Something intrepid and gutsy, anyway.

The cruelest aspect of all isn’t the pain, it’s the lost time. This is summer, you know, a wondrous, all-too-fleeting season of loveliness and I’m wasting entire days — weeks — being old. Wait, no, I’m wasting valuable time being infirm. And that really ticks me off. The balcony, my perch atop the outside world, is the only thing saving me from total despair. So if you need me, that’s where I’ll be.

copyright © 2017 little ittys

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9 thoughts on “I’m not cut out to be an invalid

  1. Ooh, sympathy indeed! I’m in a similar situation, having had a foot operation a month ago, although I’m clearly in less pain than you when I hobble around. It is, indeed, so frustrating not to be able to just walk wherever I want to!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh dear, sorry to hear that. Hope your knee recovers quickly. Maybe you could use the time you have as a gift – and do something really enjoyable that doesn’t entail a lot of walking. Perhaps learn a new skill. Just a thought….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks!

      You know what I’m dying to learn? How to stop injuring myself! Egads this has been a painful year 🤕

      Fortunately I have a stack of good books on physics and astrophysics. They’ll keep me busy; I’m a really, really slow study

      Liked by 1 person

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