Let’s all just be sensible and avoid ruining this lovely holiday with a careless choice of clothes. Think about the consequences of your selections. Buttons, you know, are not our friends; they’re latent projectiles. As are snaps, zippers, rhinestones, rivets, hook and eye fasteners, any clothing device likely to burst and become airborne under extreme pressure. Someone could lose an eye or, yikes!, see a sight they can’t unsee.
So, in the interest of public safety, be considerate in your choice of garments today and consult the handy illustration as you plan your holiday outfit.
Drawstrings are good, elastic is good, spandex (if you must) is acceptable, leather is not — it’s binding and unforgiving. You’ll suffer greatly by wearing anything in the leather family. Denim, frankly, is a tough call and must be considered on an individual basis. In the event a formal appearance is required, bungee cords offer a safe alternative to belts, buttons, et al. Use your best judgment.
If this had been an actual emergency, you would’ve been advised to contact the proper authorities at a Big and Tall shop or tent specialist. The important take away here is: the turkey won’t be as stuffed as you. Dress accordingly. Bon appétit and happy Thanksgiving.
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