Have the poor no shame, for crying out loud? Get a job, you moocher. Give up your smartphone, get rid of cable, stop running to the doctor for every little cardiac event.
Whoops, my mistake. That’s not a slovenly deadbeat, that’s Roy Moore, noted pedophile and staunch defender of Christian values. He’s fallen on hard times, ladies and gentlemen, and finds himself strapped for cash. The dude desperately needs our help to maintain his comfortable lifestyle. For God’s sake, have some mercy and fork over a wad of cash to keep him flush. $250,00 should do it — for now.
Put yourself in his shoes. On a campaign Facebook page, Mr. Moore stated he’s under “vicious attack from lawyers in Washington D.C. and San Francisco who have hired one of the biggest firms in Birmingham, Alabama to bring another legal action against me.” Can you imagine how awful that must be? It’s unfair and unjust and a conspiracy against everything that’s pure and decent, such as dating 14-year olds.
“My resources have been depleted and I have struggled to make ends meet”, old Roy whined, complaining his legal fees could exceed — gasp — $100,000. “I have had to establish a legal defense fund, anything you give will be appreciated.’ His fight, he claims, is “for the heart and soul of this Nation.” Not, as you might have guessed, his right to molest teenagers.
» Stop dating children.
» Suck it up and learn to live without.
» Go soak your head.
Politicians are quick to stick their hands out, have you noticed? They’ve no qualms asking for financial support. The greater good, of course, is their only goal and it’s absolutely inspiring. They’re not interested in partisanship or personal enrichment, their influence is not for sale. Nor are their votes.
They’re simply entitled to big money. You’re not. I’m not. Roy Moore is. Joe Arpaio is. Senators and Congressional Representatives, too, of course. And members of the Trump administration. Us? No. The government isn’t here to serve us, the governed — a common misunderstanding. We thought it was for us, but we’re wrong. It’s for them.
The surest path to wealth, if the GOP is any guide, is to frame your begging in terms of homophobia or xenophobia or racism, misogyny, divisiveness, in general. Find yourself a group of disaffected underachievers and give them a villain, someone to blame for their failure. And, ka-ching, the money will pour in.
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