Rapidly disappearing sea ice is a hoax. The sound of windmills causes cancer. Consumer protections, financial oversight, net neutrality, gun safety, and affordable healthcare are socialism. And the F.B.I.? How dare they investigate a Russian asset running for President of these once United States — that takes some nerve. Oh, and the New Zealand massacre was a liberal conspiracy. Don’t, under any circumstances, believe your eyes and ears or common sense. They’re liars.
Only a wall can be trusted and we need a big one. Let’s tighten the blinders, suspend our disbelief, put a bigly chip on our shoulder, and get to work tilting the playing field on behalf of the long-suffering white guy. Those poor dears just can’t catch a break. It’s time to change the rules and disallow equal opportunity, give them a chance to get ahead. They’re feeling, what’s the word? Unprivileged, that’s it. And outnumbered.
Just the other day, a congressional hearing on the rise of hate crimes was hijacked by outraged right-wing conservatives who repeatedly questioned the very existence of white supremacy. And they’re right: there’s nothing supreme about it. Supremacists are the mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers of American society. They shouldn’t have to adapt to a changing world or acquire skills to get ahead. Learning is for suckers; real men demonize and threaten and bully the striving.
Now, although that sounds fun, I prefer the sea otter approach. Those furry little marine mammals gather in groups and entangle themselves in kelp in order to gain anchorage in a swirling sea. When they sleep, they hold hands so they don’t drift apart. I really like the idea of a species banding together to survive, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m clinging to my little tribe like a barnacle and have ‘What a Wonderful World’ playing on a continuous loop in my head:
🎵 The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do
They’re really saying I love you
I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world 🎶
It keeps me from falling into a pit of despair. Good luck, America. I hope we manage to pull our heads out of the sand before it’s too late. If it isn’t already.