I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Please explain how that’s possible. It’s the exact same side of the bed I’ve woken up on forever. In fact, technically, it isn’t even a side -- it’s the flipping middle. Now, if I’d woken up in the trunk of a car, sure, … Continue reading a bit out of sorts
All that’s missing is a little lipstick and some flip-flops. Why am I standing around waiting for a meteor to land on my head? I need to snap out of this deadly dull rut and PDQ. It’s time to make a choice: evolve or die, as the saying goes. If those are my options, I’d … Continue reading it’s like looking in a mirror
Politicians, judges, police departments, press secretaries, CEOs, they’re all very sorry. They didn’t mean what they said or did or condoned, what they implied or covered up. It was a terrible mistake, an innocent lapse. What's missing from the scripted recitals is the wink, wink, nudge, nudge gesture. You can only shoot so many unarmed citizens before … Continue reading the feeble apology outbreak
I lose things. Big things, small things, tangible and intangible, even things that exist on other planes. All the usual suspects go missing on a more or less regular basis -- keys, names, etc. Loss doesn't surprise me, I expect it. In the last couple of weeks alone I've lost my wallet, two unrelated socks, a flash … Continue reading um, fetch?
This is not a test. This is an actual emergency; bad things are afoot. Tricky things. Things you won’t see coming until it’s too late. Saturday is April Fool’s Day, my friends. Expect to be assaulted with all manner of unwelcome surprises designed to make you look foolish. Be on the lookout for whoopee cushions, … Continue reading mortification awaits