Mr. Trump is, almost literally, a plague doctor and his official portrait should reflect his lofty status as such. You see, during plagues (such as The Black Death) cities hired these dudes to treat citizens afflicted with the various epidemic contagions of the time, rich and poor alike. However, like Sideshow Don, most had little … Continue reading the new presidential portrait
Inside my comically stunted skull a mammoth headache has been hunkered for two days. The size and intensity suggest some type of explosion occurred, a significant one similar to the Big Bang. Neurons and cells and tissue bits are yet flying apart in there, crashing and tumbling and acting as irresistible forces meeting the immovable … Continue reading speaking of heads
I have a head cold. Not the sniffles, not a little cough, a full-blown, Category 5, doozy of a cold. This viral juggernaut has pumped an estimated 60 gallons of goop into my poor, beleaguered noggin, a vessel with, at most, a 2-gallon capacity. To make matters worse, I sound like Darth Vader -- and … Continue reading death wishes
He was missing a testicle. Seriously, the dude was light in the scotum. According to medical notes from a check-up in 1923, der Führer suffered from a clear case of ‘right-side cryptorchidism’ -- also known as an undescended right testicle. Dr. Josef Steiner Brin, the examining physician, declared Hitler was otherwise ‘healthy and strong.’ Those … Continue reading what was Hitler missing?
Aw, crap, does anyone know how to make a tourniquet? Should I call an ambulance? Get out the sewing kit? What should I do? Well, I should start having my legs waxed, that's what. I need to quit shaving them, it just leads to bloodshed. I've lost gallons over a lifetime of hair removal. I … Continue reading keeping myself in stitches